Optimism pulled from my ass

I am determined to take control of my life and not let others guide my moods my heart strings, my thoughts and tears. Yikes I want to laugh laugh laugh. No more carrying the burden of guilt for anything I may have been a part of, some things I wasn't even close to, and I was buried myself under layers of guilt.

My beautiful daughter is incredibly funny, beautiful (did I already say beautiful?), damn smart and fairly brave. She will state her thoughts and mind to those she feels should hear. She also will pick up those she feels are slipping down the slippery slope of loss of hope. She is there for them.

My son is passing state mandetory education tests with flying colors, 100%. HELLO??? The kid is coming out of his cocoon and will soon have the wings to fly.

My new doggie is full of nothing but love (a little pee and poop but we're dealing). I love his funny face and his muskily legs. It's almost that someone created him in cartoon form. We are very very lucky.

I am going to step back a few years of my life. Forget some of the uhappier experiences and get back to my movie mode. My Ingmar Bergman, any INDIE, give me a movie that makes me think, cry, get angry and makes me want to buy their soundtrack, that movie is a winner in my mind.

I am starting back with Ingmar Bergman, Wild Strawberries. I'd seen this movie before and it truely touched my heart.

I thought it was interesting that Isak was able to watch his story, a bystander, audience member, on looker. We were able to see his reactions to what his past memories brought back to him. His pain and joy were obvious. It's been a while since I've seen this movie, I'm amazed by my memories of it. I can clearly see him sitting in the grass watching himself as a child playing with his cousins.Please enlighten me on childhood memories, explain to me abouthaving good and bad. I am stuck in real life and tend to dwell on the reality that most memories suck, unless I make them up.

He was thinking multiple types of thoughts in his road trip, not all happy. He struggled with all of his relationships and fantasized about his childhood. Looking at his past he was able realize some of his mistakes with his family and try to make amends. His son was a mess, however the movie left us with hope that everything would be peachy keen, where's the reality in that?

 

We should all be so lucky to have such soothing childhood memories. I want to go to sleep every night thinking of my family the way Isac did, my brothers and sisters happily playing together on the dock, my beautiful cousin taking my hand to help me find my mother and father. Then finding them, father fishing on the the beautifully mirrored lake while my lovely mother sits close by.

Idyllic memories, unreal but for movies.

I want to go on a long drive and realize my mistakes, understand my regrets and have an opportunity to resolve myself before I die.

I want to go to sleep with a smile on my face.

I would settle for just being an incredibly beautiful Swedish woman