I'm not feeling much like a muse anymore. I don't think I inspire much creativity to those that I want to. I'm feeling kinda blah. I didn't sleep last night, it was hotter than heck today and I basically just tried to get through the day. I feel guilty that all these hours were wasted.
I guess that's where the muse part comes in. Even when I wasn't productive it was nice to think I inspired others to create. Personally, I think he was just being nice and that was his way of making me feel special. He didn't need me to inspire, he was pretty good at doing that himself.
I've been forgetting things lately. Forgetting to finish work I started, make calls that I promised, take medicine, drink coffee, eat, pay bills, finish sentences and thoughts. I'm not confident that I am competent any more.
Then again, I could probably look at something that I wrote a few years ago and find that I am repeating concerns that I had then. I think I live in a Groundhog Day world. I constantly repeat my days, thoughts, mistakes, over and over again. Unfortunately I don't recognize it and instead of learning like Bill did I just keep doing it over and over, thinking it's the first time I've experienced it.
My kiddo called me today and asked if I wanted to meet his dad half way (middle of WI) to pick him up on Saturday. I was in the middle of completing a report for work, was pissed that I was doing it and the tone it was asked for. He request caught me off guard and my response was "this Saturday?". He is such a sensitive fellow and he caught the distance in my voice as well as the surprise. He never wants to come to my house. Immediately he said "never mind, I didn't want to come anyway". Man oh man that kid drives me nuts. I tried to backup a bit and say I was more than happy to make the trek I'd love for him to come stay with me. He had already disconnected himself and said he had to go.
I gotta call him.
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