It's the friends you can call at 4am that matter

In a way the subject line is right on target. The friends that keep their ringer on through the night. Keep it close by so it's easy to answer. Not only do they do this, you can actually count on them to answer the phone. It's never a end of the world emergency it's more of a I can't sleep emergency, can you sing me a song, tell me a joke? Make me forget whatever it is that is making me stay awake. He was one that would take my sons algebra work do it, scan it and send it. I loved his willingness to help and his numbers.

Sure enough a little clearing of the throat and sweet words a touching sentiment is now flowing into my ears. Next I hear "did you hear about the cowboy that went into the bar with a monkey on his shoulder? I'm sure I had. it doesn't matter, I don't remember jokes. I am a comics perfect wife.

I swear my friend kept a Jennifer phone on him at all times. I could count on him to answer any questions I had, help me make a purchase, turn the right direction and sing when necessary.  There were the times he didn't answer, I would call his cell, his land line, no answer. The no answer was my answer, he was with someone else and couldn't answer. It was tough, really tough.

We both had worked on creating this crazy relationship. I thought his women conquests were all Internet hunting expeditions that he was successful at. Then years later I learned that in addition to those ladies of the wire, he had a land lady too. His "happy ending".

Now that I am backing very slowly away from him and am finding myself backing into someone new. Someone that I sense could provide similar comforts that my other gave me. Taking a step back I suddenly got very paranoid. I am blindly, happily sliding into a comfortable friendship again. All Internet related and I am believing everything I am being told. HELLO??? What did we learn from the last one?  Seriously? I poured my heart, shared all of me, didn't hold back on anything. I was truthful from the beginning.

We both felt an instant connection, it was crazy how well we fit together. The beginning of the crack started 8 months into it. He told me he was 10 years older that what he claimed. Oops, "I thought you had figured that out". HUH!? How would I have, I've never seen him, I trusted he was telling me the truth. Ok... we get past that, Then his alter ego screen names and his constant playing on line was making that crack grow might long and widen. Ok... we can get past that, he decided, he wasn't interested in me in a sexual way any more, ok... we can get past that. Gee who's making all the concessions here?We make much better friends. This friend and I would talk 3-5 times a day, on occasion the call would last for hours and the sun would start to come up. He was my friend and I could live with out the sex. Jesus, it's called mutual masturbation with some great words that can draw pleasure I would have never thought possible. But, hey we were friends, he could get those pleasures from others and his conversations with me.

 

Wait! oops there just that one more thing. 3 years have past and I have one more secret you should know. I have a "happy ending", a woman I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with. What Huh!!?? 17 years they've been together. I have talked to this man every night for at least the last 2 years. We went to sleep together. I don't understand the dynamics ofhis relationship with his Happy Ending. I never will.

So back to me backing off, I am slowly but surely. Now I have met another recently that also had the quick connection and it's all Internet. This one is different he read my journal, made comments and now we talk through comments or email, nothing else. So many similarities to my first John it's scary. I find myself believing everything I'm told, not thinking twice about the impending divorce, the 3 marriages prior, the 1 son, where he lives what he does. Should I be believing all of this? Is he really going to turn out to be a married man with 5 kids that has a wood burning sign shop he runs from his garage? His wife already have the condo in Tempe.   As soon as she retired in 2010 they are moving. They love each other and have committed themselves for life. Is that what's going to happen again?

How do I protect myself form this happening again? Do I back away from everything? Or, can I start with a little trust, ride it for a bit and see? What do I do???