What am I supposed to do? Emotionally, mentally and financially I am bankrupt. I am losing everything that I thought was important to me. And I am losing people that I thought I was important to. Times of trouble and flight is fancied.
I am sick of people and their lies. Their manipulations of others for their own personal gain. Whether it's the comfort of phone calls, the thought that someone loves them even though they are comfortably happy with their lives. They feel the need to continue to drag me around, rubbing my face in the dirt then making me feel responsible for feeling like shit.
I guess I am responsible. I could walk away, I could say "no more". I feel like I have become this pathetic lonely old woman that is so dependant on a voice for my comfort, that even with the pain that accompanies it, the tears, the anger, I can't let go. I keep coming back to see how low I can go. I am not worthy of someone so incredibly selfish he laughs at my fears, belittles my emotions, is flippant of the hurt he inflicts.
I am such an idiot, he tells me he has a "happy ending", I am just something he likes but has no respect for and really could give a shit what happens to me. He got his life all tied up in a pretty bow.
What makes me so angry, for those of you that haven't been following my pathetic life, is how long he led me on, how many years he would say, "never say never", give me little glimpses of something so wonderful I was convinced he was for me and I him. I wanted me to be his happy ending, I was convinced I was his happy ending. 3 years of thinking of "me for him", only to be told "oh by the way I am fully committed to another, we've been together a long time , she is my happy ending".
But hey "let's be friends". He lied to me, he lied for 3 years about so many things that I totally bought into. Yet he thinks we were never serious anyway, we met on the net, nothing is ever real on the net. So what's the big deal, seriously?
I wanted to be friends, I wanted to hear his voice his thoughts, anger, song, joke. I wanted to continue to think his happiness was because of me. Knowing the reality is I have nothing to do with his happiness, his happy ending is successful in that aspect of his life,
I guess I was kinda like the spare tire. When the real one got flat, until it got fixed the spare came into play, when the real one is fixed the spare is put back in it's place till needed again.
I still care for you... how do I stop... seriously...
I am sick of people and their lies. Their manipulations of others for their own personal gain. Whether it's the comfort of phone calls, the thought that someone loves them even though they are comfortably happy with their lives. They feel the need to continue to drag me around, rubbing my face in the dirt then making me feel responsible for feeling like shit.
I guess I am responsible. I could walk away, I could say "no more". I feel like I have become this pathetic lonely old woman that is so dependant on a voice for my comfort, that even with the pain that accompanies it, the tears, the anger, I can't let go. I keep coming back to see how low I can go. I am not worthy of someone so incredibly selfish he laughs at my fears, belittles my emotions, is flippant of the hurt he inflicts.
I am such an idiot, he tells me he has a "happy ending", I am just something he likes but has no respect for and really could give a shit what happens to me. He got his life all tied up in a pretty bow.
What makes me so angry, for those of you that haven't been following my pathetic life, is how long he led me on, how many years he would say, "never say never", give me little glimpses of something so wonderful I was convinced he was for me and I him. I wanted me to be his happy ending, I was convinced I was his happy ending. 3 years of thinking of "me for him", only to be told "oh by the way I am fully committed to another, we've been together a long time , she is my happy ending".
But hey "let's be friends". He lied to me, he lied for 3 years about so many things that I totally bought into. Yet he thinks we were never serious anyway, we met on the net, nothing is ever real on the net. So what's the big deal, seriously?
I wanted to be friends, I wanted to hear his voice his thoughts, anger, song, joke. I wanted to continue to think his happiness was because of me. Knowing the reality is I have nothing to do with his happiness, his happy ending is successful in that aspect of his life,
I guess I was kinda like the spare tire. When the real one got flat, until it got fixed the spare came into play, when the real one is fixed the spare is put back in it's place till needed again.
I still care for you... how do I stop... seriously...
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