My child was spending the week-end with a new beau (just one of a few) and I am home alone. Rather than an adventure that might make millions at the theaters, I have been cleaning like a fool.
Carpet cleaning, upstairs, downstairs even the stairs themselves. I almost went for the upholstery but I ran out of time. I have to work in the morning so I need to rest for a little while.
I tried to be social on Friday, went to a happy hour with some work folks. I am so out of touch with the real world. My people contact is limited to work and running through grocery aisles. I avoid eye contact and mumble my words to those that I have to talk to.
I am beginning to scare myself with the lonerness that I am imposing on myself. I used to embrace just me myself and I. I would relish my time alone and enjoy my peace and quiet.
Now I find myself afraid of social situations. Afraid that I will say what I really want to say to people that I don't really want to talk to in the first place. The older I get the less control I have of my tongue. If it's ugly and stinks I will say so, not thinking that it might hurt. Yet I am incredibly sensitive to others comments, I find slight where none is intended.
If I were to win the lottery (granted I would have to buy a ticket first) I would want to buy a deserted island and have a pilot fly in every so often to bring me supplies (and maybe a conversation, but only with the pilot).
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