Rock Bottom?

I may have finally fallen into the depths of "rock bottom". My 90 day supply of sleeping pills keeps calling my name, keeps reminding me over and over that I am in a hole so deep I will never get out, there's no one for me at the top anyway, just stay, just sleep, it will all go away. Oh how I am drawn to his logic, it makes so much sense. This life provides me nothing but challenge, sadness and a sense of worthlessness I can seem to get past. My "friends" only hurt me, maybe they are slights that aren't intentional, they are imagined only in my mind. No matter they are real to me. I have a sad daughter, now a sad son and a very very angry ex that is making threats to take me back to court, rightfully so. I have not been paying him money for my son that lives with him. For 3 years I was steady eddie, paid the phone bill, all of the kids school costs, clothes and 600 on top of that to him. This past year I am drowning in debt. I can't even make my minimum payments and I am sinking lower and lower. I can't answer my phone, services are getting cut off and I am slowly turning into mush. Unable to cope, think, move one foot in front of the other. I am just waiting for it all to come crashing, swallowing me whole. Everyone would be so much better off, dead mom is worth more than a live one. And the live one was more depressed than anyone can handle. Let's get past me so they can get on with their lives.