Man, today is a tough one. I am so sad. Joe keeps calling and I can't talk, I feel so stupid. I made this decsion and the move, why is today so hard? I miss my kids but I can't make the drive home. I want to be back home and have everything back the way it was, as unhappy as I was at least I wasn't alone.
I have always made it out that I need my space, I like my solitude. Who the fuck am I kidding? I need to have something, I just wish I knew what the "something" is.
I haven't cried this much since I can't even remember. I am looking for reasons for this depression. Is it the change of medication, am I close to my period (no), am I feeling a little rejected, old and ugly?
My skin is changing, my body is drooping, I am fat and it is a very bad hair day. God it is just bad all over. Man, this crying is driving me crazy. My moods have always been so even keeled and this is just way out of my control.
Ok, I just had a revelation! Today I wore mascara for the first time in over 20 years, it has to be a chemical reaction to the mascara that is causing my depression. I wish! Just a joke. I suppose I should be relieved that it seems funny to me.
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