Last night I was angry, very angry. I created a journal entry that was full of venom. I deleted it in the wee hours of this morning. I decided that it was out of line, hurtful and unfair. I don't want to hurt anyone, no matter how much hurt they have caused. Hurt, hurts.
I read someone else's journal today, he wanted to be one of those "happy" people, I do too. I want to see the good in everyone, everything. I want to trust that the Golden Rule is lived by the majority of people in this world. How do these people consistently see a glass that is half full? Is it their medication, the lobotomy, that really bad bike accident they had when they were 5?
Or, are they too afraid to show who they truly are? They would be considered failures (hello mom and dad) if they were to show sadness, anger, disappointment?
I suppose I should be happy that I'm not a narcissist, full of myself, unable to see outside of my own eyes. I am not mean or spiteful. I am a good person with a few faults (hello financial woes). I can be your greatest cheerleader if I feel you are deserving. But, I will also say what is on my mind with a bit of filtering.
I don't know why I feel the need to 'sell' myself. Who am I trying to impress?
4 comments:
I felt very hateful today off and on. It isnt like me to feel like that. I am trying to stay away from everyone until this passes...I dont want to hurt anyone. I can be so absorbed in my own feelings too sometimes. I think that is normal. Then there are days when I think of myself and my feelings last. This is defenetly not one of those days for me...hugs, Christine
It's a bit of relief to see someone who is willing to be real and state exactly what is on her mind. I hope you continue to do so. And those people who are real themselves will understand when an entry isn't happy go lucky...Your in my thoughts! (Hugs)Indigo
Right on, Indigo!
"And those people who are real themselves will understand when an entry isn't happy go lucky..."
Happy is work, and a choice! Joy is possible in the midst of tribulation, and gladness (happiness) on top of that! They are different! I was happy before, but it was ignoring Truth! Truth is, by the time this world ends, most people will NOT live as Jesus described it, The Golden Rule, and God tells us this. This does not let us off the hook! :). Nor does it make Living That Way not worthwhile. But Truth allows us to see faulTs and still love! To love while ignoring is one thing, but one is loving an illusion, and is that really love? :). Love KNOWS, and loves! This is God's Love. WHETHER OR NOT There is evil, WE live the Golden Rule! We EXPECT that not all will, while HELPING Them to! AND NOT ALL WILL BE INTERESTED. This is the sadness of the world! Because Happy is work, it is often difficult to evince Gladness while one is burdened, beleaguered, pressured! :/. Ill. IT was necessary for me to pray to begin to experience Some Gladness again! But God is faithful! God IS Joy, and to that JOY, he will add Gladness! JOY will carry you through everything! <3+
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