My mind is all over the place today. Hospital and surgery in the morning. I’m trying not to think, and in the process of not thinking I am thinking waaayyyy toooo much. I am scared.
I need music. I need my ipod napster itunes. I need music anyway I can get it. Music soothes my savage beast of a mind. My greatest fear is that I won’t be able to check out of reality, find a better place for my mind to be. My mind will always be focused on the present, the here and now. I don’t want to focus on anything but what makes me smile and relax and since he can’t be there, I need the next best thing, music.
I wish that I would wake up to a voice that calms me, makes me feel safe. That I could wake up to someone curving their hand over mine telling me everything is ok. Someone who can see my fear, senses my anxiety and cracks wise to take my mind away from me. I would never ask, it’s not a fair expectation. I'm not asking now, only wishing.
I really do believe everything will be fine. It will be quick, I will be taken care of and I will be home before I know it. Recovered to the point that I am crabby and obsessive again, back to my old self.
5 comments:
Are you back to crappy & obsessive yet :0?
Let us know how things are going. ~Mary
I will keep you in my prayers I came here via Mary ,
hugs
Sherry
I came visiting by way of Mary. Nice to meet you! I'll be adding your journal to my alerts. My journal is private, but I'll add you to the readers list. Hope the surgery went well.
Missie
i just figured it out. that voice you want to hear, you know which one i am talking about. it has to come from within. i so used to sit around wondering what the next big thing in my life was gonna be (school, job, a dude, whatever ) between 'big things'. now i know that I am the next big thing in my life. it's like i have a new power....*i am woman, hear me roar and then watch me fix my lipgloss*
i hope your recovery goes well.
Good Luck on your surgery. I hope everything goes well. ....Christine
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